David Schneider On Twitter at Celebrity Tweets

celeb tweet user David Schneider

Followers: 234,076 as of 07 Feb 16 01:03:51

Bio: Actor, writer, comedian, fool.

Website: http://t.co/TDfy0liSpV


David Schneider twitter profile image
Liverpool. Avoid being damaged by walkouts on 77 minutes for charging £77 by charging, say, £98 then the walkout won't hurt. #MOTD #LFC
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 06 Feb 2016 23:13
David Schneider twitter profile image
#MCFC: Wanna win the league? #AFC: Nah, 4th is ok. Chelsea? #CFC: No. Man Utd? [they all laugh] #LCFC: Well, if you don't mind... [nips in]
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 06 Feb 2016 14:58
David Schneider twitter profile image
Barceleicester! #GuardiolaOut #MCFCvLCFC
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 06 Feb 2016 14:38
David Schneider twitter profile image
On the last day of the season, Bobby Ewing will come out of the shower and it’ll all have been a dream. It’s the only explanation. #MCILEI
Updated via TweetDeck at 06 Feb 2016 14:10
David Schneider twitter profile image
Due to cuts, the hashtag #NationalLibrariesDay has been replaced by the hashtag #OnlyInAFewAreasNowLibrariesDay.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 06 Feb 2016 11:35
David Schneider twitter profile image
David Cameron's Facebook Friends video. (done for @HuffPostUKCom, HT @koeman81 @cloughie77) https://t.co/t7F4hs3KTe
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 06 Feb 2016 10:36
David Schneider twitter profile image
Osborne: "If only there was some explanation for why bed-blocking is costing the NHS £900m" *makes more cuts to social care*
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 05 Feb 2016 19:50
David Schneider twitter profile image
The toilet in the Ecuadorean embassy is in use. pic.twitter.com/Q4pCKMOFei
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 05 Feb 2016 10:41
  • The toilet in the Ecuadorean embassy is in use. https://t.co/Q4pCKMOFei
David Schneider twitter profile image
Ultimately I suspect Ecuador would rather Assange stays so they can avoid paying the bedroom tax.
Updated via TweetDeck at 05 Feb 2016 09:27
David Schneider twitter profile image
A reminder that by Northern Powerhouse, Osborne means Northern Westminster. #bbcqt pic.twitter.com/mscuKI1RfU
Updated via TweetDeck at 04 Feb 2016 23:36
  • A reminder that by Northern Powerhouse, Osborne means Northern Westminster. #bbcqt https://t.co/mscuKI1RfU
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron goes shopping. #EUdeal #bbcqt pic.twitter.com/A6aAdQ9OHY
Updated via TweetDeck at 04 Feb 2016 23:01
  • Cameron goes shopping. #EUdeal #bbcqt https://t.co/A6aAdQ9OHY
David Schneider twitter profile image
A reminder from David Cameron of what he achieved in the EU negotiations. #bbcqt pic.twitter.com/xD6lrd1BHi
Updated via TweetDeck at 04 Feb 2016 22:51
  • A reminder from David Cameron of what he achieved in the EU negotiations. #bbcqt https://t.co/xD6lrd1BHi
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @dlovett32: Suarez and Messi were destroying Valencia while @SkySports were showing this! pic.twitter.com/smMMUKqmAe
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 04 Feb 2016 13:46
  • RT @dlovett32: Suarez and Messi were destroying Valencia while @SkySports were showing this! https://t.co/smMMUKqmAe
David Schneider twitter profile image
In the updated 2016 ads, #NewMilkTrayMan overcomes poor wifi, 1% battery and the Apple wheel of death to get his chocolates delivered online
Updated via TweetDeck at 04 Feb 2016 08:54
David Schneider twitter profile image
I’ve been given the task of making a timetable for people speaking for England. 5 mins each. Just let me know when. #whowillspeakforengland
Updated via TweetDeck at 03 Feb 2016 23:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
God, I love Twitter at a time like this. “My beloved grandchildren. Yes, I was there when #WhoWillSpeakForEngland broke"
Updated via TweetDeck at 03 Feb 2016 23:47
David Schneider twitter profile image
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 03 Feb 2016 23:31
  • One for older viewers... #whowillspeakforengland https://t.co/xqzdmt5sxz
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @1970RobD: "Benjamin Button who?" "Benjamin Button" "Who's there" Knock, knock.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 03 Feb 2016 20:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
EU renegotiation. Government document sums up key points. (done for @HuffPostUKCom) pic.twitter.com/Rhmydg0rw5
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 03 Feb 2016 13:28
  • EU renegotiation. Government document sums up key points. 
(done for @huffpostukcom)
https://t.co/Rhmydg0rw5
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron: “Corbyn should pick up the phone to Wales and tell them to stop cutting the NHS. That’s our job.” #pmqs
Updated via TweetDeck at 03 Feb 2016 12:15
David Schneider twitter profile image
If there’s any justice or poetry in the world, Lord Lucan’s death certificate will now go missing.
Updated via TweetDeck at 03 Feb 2016 11:36
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron releases handy guide to why EU negotiations should be seen as a success. pic.twitter.com/zNKBLVyBws
Updated via TweetDeck at 03 Feb 2016 08:47
  • Cameron releases handy guide to why EU negotiations should be seen as a success. https://t.co/zNKBLVyBws
David Schneider twitter profile image
Happy Groundhog Day.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 03 Feb 2016 08:02
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @AndreTheViking: Do you think you'd make a good sniper? [ ] Yes • [ ] No • • • …
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 02 Feb 2016 17:34
David Schneider twitter profile image
“Now these EU concessions are small, but the ones out there are far away” (ta @MrJattski) pic.twitter.com/I80YIds9e3
Updated via TweetDeck at 02 Feb 2016 15:18
  • “Now these EU concessions are small, but the ones out there are far away”

(ta @MrJattski) https://t.co/I80YIds9e3
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron: “EU deal is vital to give Parliament more power and sovereignty, which is why I’ll be dodging questions on this in Parliament"
Updated via TweetDeck at 02 Feb 2016 11:27
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @NickyAACampbell: @davidschneider you forgot young earth creationist
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 02 Feb 2016 08:30
David Schneider twitter profile image
Phew. Great news that Trump lost out to evangelical, immigrant-bashing, gun-obsessed, healthcare-hating, climate-denying fanatic Cruz. Oh.
Updated via TweetDeck at 02 Feb 2016 08:26
David Schneider twitter profile image
A reminder of Man City's statement about Pep Guardiola. pic.twitter.com/vvPImPFyEQ
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 01 Feb 2016 18:28
  • A reminder of Man City's statement about Pep Guardiola. https://t.co/vvPImPFyEQ
David Schneider twitter profile image
Narcitwism, n. the vane conviction that people will have noticed you haven't tweeted all day. (See also: egotwism)
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 01 Feb 2016 17:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
#DeadlineDay predictions: Berahino to Newcastle Teixeira to Liverpool No move for UK from EU.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 01 Feb 2016 08:00
David Schneider twitter profile image
Maybe I'll tweet re John Terry turning up in full kit to lift Chelsea trophies after he's left them *does search* Oh pic.twitter.com/9Fj6PeYuR1
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 31 Jan 2016 23:50
  • Maybe I'll tweet re John Terry turning up in full kit to lift Chelsea trophies after he's left them
*does search*
Oh https://t.co/9Fj6PeYuR1
David Schneider twitter profile image
Tories: "We'll make big companies pay tax which is why we'll fight for Bermuda to stay a £30bn tax haven for Google" pic.twitter.com/JmRvcKLr21
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 31 Jan 2016 23:14
  • Tories: "We'll make big companies pay tax which is why we'll fight for Bermuda to stay a £30bn tax haven for Google" https://t.co/JmRvcKLr21
David Schneider twitter profile image
Best superhero backstory is definitely the Ombudsman, who was bitten by a radioactive ombuds.
Updated via TweetDeck at 31 Jan 2016 14:22
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cheer yourself up by following 2 of Twitter’s funniest: @Pundamentalism and @0point5twins who shared a womb for 9 months. Happy b-day, boys!
Updated via TweetDeck at 31 Jan 2016 10:06
David Schneider twitter profile image
It’s truly like God’s put an intern in charge of deaths and he’s going through the list of celebrities people really love. RIP Terry Wogan.
Updated via TweetDeck at 31 Jan 2016 09:10
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @jonnot: This bloke will still be waiting for the high five at midnight https://t.co/TX3Glx5Vlf
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 30 Jan 2016 23:42
David Schneider twitter profile image
Perfect positioning. (HT Maria Rankin) pic.twitter.com/09IC0rmTOP
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 30 Jan 2016 14:12
  • Perfect positioning.

(HT Maria Rankin) https://t.co/09IC0rmTOP
David Schneider twitter profile image
Test your knowledge with this Elton John quiz. What is Saturday night alright for?
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 30 Jan 2016 12:10
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @KyloR3n: dear diary snoke is going to teach hux and me how to make a bong from an apple he knows a lot i wish more substitute teachers …
Updated via TweetDeck at 30 Jan 2016 10:31
David Schneider twitter profile image
Osborne confirms that when he says Northern Powerhouse he means North Westminster. pic.twitter.com/6PTUX6hwmU
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 30 Jan 2016 09:10
  • Osborne confirms that when he says Northern Powerhouse he means North Westminster. https://t.co/6PTUX6hwmU
David Schneider twitter profile image
"To avoid another Mid Staffs we must increase staffing levels which is why we're now cutting staffing levels" pic.twitter.com/3RXO6g5AgE
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 29 Jan 2016 22:52
  • "To avoid another Mid Staffs we must increase staffing levels which is why we're now cutting staffing levels" https://t.co/3RXO6g5AgE
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @haveigotnews: Government agrees that UK will support unaccompanied children in 'exceptional cases' e.g. their dad left them in the pub.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 29 Jan 2016 08:23
David Schneider twitter profile image
Thanks for your kind words about my Kanye video. I still don't know what the following are: OG Cudi Speaking sideways Cool pants Being Ye
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 28 Jan 2016 19:05
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @bracealmighty: To anyone attending the Bohemian Rhapsody rehearsal this afternoon, we're up in the treehouse... pic.twitter.com/CXaRTM97v6
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 28 Jan 2016 18:31
  • RT @bracealmighty: To anyone attending the Bohemian Rhapsody rehearsal this afternoon, we're up in the treehouse... https://t.co/CXaRTM97v6
David Schneider twitter profile image
Government refuses to say how many refugee children it's prepared to take but sources indicate it may be as many as three.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 28 Jan 2016 09:34
David Schneider twitter profile image
“We mustn’t take refugee children from Europe as it’ll incite others to disguise themselves as 7 year olds with no food, family or shelter"
Updated via TweetDeck at 28 Jan 2016 08:16
David Schneider twitter profile image
Kanye may be a great artist but this shows, at best, a limited knowledge of human procreation and the male climax. pic.twitter.com/lLplAri9yc
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 27 Jan 2016 19:40
  • Kanye may be a great artist but this shows, at best, a limited knowledge of human procreation and the male climax. https://t.co/lLplAri9yc
David Schneider twitter profile image
Refurbishment of Parliament: Government confirms Commons will meet in Whitehall and Lords in a sealed lead chamber with no air under the sea
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Jan 2016 17:31
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Jan 2016 14:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
"It will be a tribute to how we rescued a bunch of migrants from Europe. Ah. Oh." https://t.co/uyeE5On3VP
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 27 Jan 2016 14:01
David Schneider twitter profile image
PM: “Can I say migrants not refugees?'” “OK” “Can I say swarm again? Please!” “Soon. Just stick with ‘bunch of migrants’ for now’” #pmqs
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Jan 2016 12:23
David Schneider twitter profile image
Welcome to Europe. Are you: A multinational corporation > don't worry about tax etc A refugee fleeing war > give us your valuables #Denmark
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 27 Jan 2016 00:03
David Schneider twitter profile image
So @BBCRadio4 have repeated my programme about mortality and death with the wonderful @diski. It’s here if you fancy https://t.co/BHcXAXpkVF
Updated via TweetDeck at 26 Jan 2016 19:32
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Pandamoanimum: Whoever made this gif, I salute you. pic.twitter.com/5suvgydESE
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 26 Jan 2016 15:10
  • RT @Pandamoanimum: Whoever made this gif, I salute you. https://t.co/5suvgydESE
David Schneider twitter profile image
Robert Burns practices for when the Twitter character limit's raised to 10,000. Have a good one! #BurnsNight https://t.co/2M9XWbBKpd
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 25 Jan 2016 22:10
David Schneider twitter profile image
"Crazy House of Lords! Don't they realise that the only way to combat rising child poverty is to stop measuring it" https://t.co/ARkfRBSWuE
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 25 Jan 2016 20:15
David Schneider twitter profile image
Interesting. What happens if you put "google tax" into google. pic.twitter.com/9KK4ob0mv9
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 25 Jan 2016 15:26
  • Interesting. What happens if you put "google tax" into google. https://t.co/9KK4ob0mv9
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @_whits_: This correction, man. pic.twitter.com/PtxyrLN9nV
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 25 Jan 2016 09:05
  • RT @_whits_: This correction, man. https://t.co/PtxyrLN9nV
David Schneider twitter profile image
Really enjoying Deutschland 83, even though I missed seasons 1 - 82.
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 25 Jan 2016 08:13
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Laser_Cat: When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 24 Jan 2016 23:31
David Schneider twitter profile image
Because yellow stars are just SO 1940s... pic.twitter.com/76jyRPyTou
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 24 Jan 2016 20:10
  • Because yellow stars are just SO 1940s... https://t.co/76jyRPyTou
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Cpin42: NOT EVERYONE WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING, MOM. SOME OF US WERE TRYING TO BREAK IT UP.
Updated via TweetDeck at 24 Jan 2016 12:44
David Schneider twitter profile image
Jeremy Corbyn. Get more attention for your call to help those living in camps in Calais by referring to refugees as "Tridents".
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 24 Jan 2016 09:57
David Schneider twitter profile image
Osborne: "Google tax deal is a major success which we hope will encourage other firms to pay around 2% of their earnings"
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 23 Jan 2016 14:15
David Schneider twitter profile image
If getting into heaven is dependent on matching your signature with an electronic signature you did when you got a delivery, I'm screwed.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 23 Jan 2016 12:34
David Schneider twitter profile image
In this week's All In It Together, George lets health firm off tax while bedroom tax blamed for another suicide. pic.twitter.com/ZMg7zUzWmi
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 23 Jan 2016 09:52
  • In this week's All In It Together, George lets health firm off tax while bedroom tax blamed for another suicide. https://t.co/ZMg7zUzWmi
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @EllieCumbo: Ladies and gentlemen: my mother. pic.twitter.com/QfVjmrwSZJ
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jan 2016 09:11
  • RT @EllieCumbo: Ladies and gentlemen: my mother. https://t.co/QfVjmrwSZJ
David Schneider twitter profile image
The wedding haka. In case you’ve not seen it yet. Extraordinary. https://t.co/vmvggVkNro
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jan 2016 08:22
David Schneider twitter profile image
Definitions. To google a word = to search for a word on the internet. To google your taxes = to pay a tiny proportion of what you owe.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 22 Jan 2016 23:34
David Schneider twitter profile image
Congratulations to Charlotte Rampling on her nomination for “45 Years Since That Attitude Was OK"
Updated via TweetDeck at 22 Jan 2016 15:19
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @joshxhowie: Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recomm…
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 21 Jan 2016 23:21
David Schneider twitter profile image
Pep Guardiola to take over 3 Premier League clubs in the summer. Full statement from Bayern Munich website. pic.twitter.com/ummYC6yRhW
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jan 2016 22:33
  • Pep Guardiola to take over 3 Premier League clubs in the summer. Full statement from Bayern Munich website. https://t.co/ummYC6yRhW
David Schneider twitter profile image
Netflix reveal details of next season's Making A Murderer. (done for @HuffPostUKCom) #Litvinenko pic.twitter.com/Q1xRYrPsKj
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 21 Jan 2016 17:19
  • Netflix reveal details of next season's Making A Murderer.
(done for @huffpostukcom)
#Litvinenko 
https://t.co/Q1xRYrPsKj
David Schneider twitter profile image
Government to send clear signal to Russia by imposing maximum usage of the word “unacceptable”. And that’s about it. #Litvinenko
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jan 2016 11:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
Interesting cast for a Walking Dead spin-off. https://t.co/srK8A1Hj1G
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jan 2016 09:29
David Schneider twitter profile image
"This is why we must stop new nurses training by ending bursaries and drive doctors away with unworkable contracts" pic.twitter.com/f4vqCd4WI6
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 21 Jan 2016 08:25
  • "This is why we must stop new nurses training by ending bursaries and drive doctors away with unworkable contracts" https://t.co/f4vqCd4WI6
David Schneider twitter profile image
If you liked #Josh, can you vote for it so we get an award. It's in Best Returning Sitcom for some reason. Thanks!😊https://t.co/ADgBsBQsy5y5
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 20 Jan 2016 19:42
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @AlsBoy: Apologies if you’ve already seen a camel in a wetsuit today pic.twitter.com/BVVMoHaNmG
Updated via TweetDeck at 20 Jan 2016 15:39
  • RT @AlsBoy: Apologies if you’ve already seen a camel in a wetsuit today https://t.co/BVVMoHaNmG
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron: “We should celebrate record UK employment*” *job insecurity, zero hour and low paid jobs, benefit sanctions. #PMQs
Updated via TweetDeck at 20 Jan 2016 12:06
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @jrodriguez713: I’ve watched this at least ten times and I’m still trying to interpret what language this is in https://t.co/CQsz7VRFnO
Updated via TweetDeck at 20 Jan 2016 08:26
David Schneider twitter profile image
"Yellow stars are just SO 1945. Nowadays we prefer red doors" https://t.co/jCPmFfMFUW
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 20 Jan 2016 08:07
David Schneider twitter profile image
Labour: "Reason we lost in 2015 was we turned inwards after 2010 election and let Tories dictate agenda" *turns even more inwards than ever*
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Jan 2016 21:05
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Unnamedinsider: Twitter is down?!! What do I do now?!! https://t.co/d0Ay7vk8hn
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Jan 2016 14:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
"I think I'm probably proudest of the Amritsar massacre" https://t.co/zIx3I1vWOB
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Jan 2016 12:45
David Schneider twitter profile image
Interesting productivity graph. pic.twitter.com/VTHcUfLZXC
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Jan 2016 12:04
  • Interesting productivity graph. https://t.co/VTHcUfLZXC
David Schneider twitter profile image
Steelworkers. Get attention and support from the government by declaring yourselves part of China.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 18 Jan 2016 18:10
David Schneider twitter profile image
Tennis scandal latest. Djokovic admits accepting hundreds of thousands of dollars in exchange for winning major championships.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 18 Jan 2016 16:54
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron: “It’s vital that immigrants learn English which is why we’ve cut funding for libraries, English as a 2nd language courses etc"
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Jan 2016 08:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
"There's never been match-fixing" says tennis spokesman Ken Kratz as he promises full investigation by Manitowoc county police.
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 18 Jan 2016 08:20
David Schneider twitter profile image
"We insist on the living wage" "Yes but Trident?" "Saving the NHS" "Tell us about Trident!" "Housing" "Trident!" "Flood defences" "TRIDENT!"
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 17 Jan 2016 19:29
David Schneider twitter profile image
Terrifying. Cameron and Corbyn swap faces on #marr (done for @HuffPostUKCom) https://t.co/OY0700bfI6
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 17 Jan 2016 11:21
David Schneider twitter profile image
Student maintenance grant petition closing in on 100k signatures it needs to be considered for debate. Pls sign https://t.co/MukFza4xM2
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 16 Jan 2016 19:13
David Schneider twitter profile image
I hope that the car of whoever's in charge of battery life at Apple runs out of petrol when the dial says there's still 20% left.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 16 Jan 2016 14:40

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Donald Trump Re-dubbed With A Posh British Accent Is A Vast Improvement

Donald Trump Re-dubbed With A Posh British Accent Is A Vast Improvement

English accents are notorious for either being associated with Hollywood bad guys or the height of sophistication, it instantly adds some class to the character. British comedian Peter Serafinowicz (who was the voice of Darth Maul) has given one to the villainous Donald Trump to create ‘Sophisticated Trump.’

The result is something quite brilliant, Trump is still espousing the mad ravings of a loony. It’s just he sounds posh while doing it and much more amusing.

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