David Schneider On Twitter at Celebrity Tweets

celeb tweet user David Schneider

Followers: 165,999 as of 30 Aug 14 11:24:39

Bio: Actor, writer, comedian, fool.

Website: http://t.co/TDfy0liSpV


David Schneider twitter profile image
Here's Theresa May really milking the drama of her terror threat level announcement. https://t.co/AgoMpu3GK8
Updated via Vine - Make a Scene at 29 Aug 2014 21:17
David Schneider twitter profile image
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 29 Aug 2014 16:02
  • RT @AlexeySapin: What have I done http://t.co/mQEghR2N8M
David Schneider twitter profile image
Re Cameron's press conference, I sense some media disappointment that he didn't reveal an Islamic extremist who'd defected to the Tories.
Updated via TweetDeck at 29 Aug 2014 14:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
Interesting conspiracy theory re #IceBucketChallenge originating in US military lab where apes were made to pour cold water on each other.
Updated via TweetDeck at 29 Aug 2014 10:47
David Schneider twitter profile image
The fightback begins as Cameron reveals new Tory logo pic.twitter.com/f0Ta76MXcY
Updated via TweetDeck at 29 Aug 2014 09:35
  • The fightback begins as Cameron reveals new Tory logo http://t.co/f0Ta76MXcY
David Schneider twitter profile image
Putin claims presence of Russian troops in Ukraine simply the result of a particularly positive review on TripAdvisor.
Updated via TweetDeck at 29 Aug 2014 08:21
David Schneider twitter profile image
"Should I resign? Hmm. On the one hand, 1400 kids have been abused. On the other, I do have an excellent pension. Tricky" - Shaun Wright.
Updated via TweetDeck at 28 Aug 2014 09:21
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @UpturnedBathtub: I came to get down I came to get down So get out your seats and jumper hound Jumper hound Jumper hound Jumper hound htpic.twitter.com/uavPaDsvNe
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 28 Aug 2014 07:49
  • RT @UpturnedBathtub: I came to get down
I came to get down
So get out your seats and jumper hound
Jumper hound
Jumper hound
Jumper hound ht…
David Schneider twitter profile image
Ironically, people who still believe the myth that we only use 10% of our brain are only using 10% of their brain.
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Aug 2014 18:27
David Schneider twitter profile image
I know I'm knee-jerking but what is a resignable offence for a South Yorks PCC? Is he saying: "well, if it was 2000 children I'd have to go"
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Aug 2014 12:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
Hollywood to make Boris Johnson: The Movie (done for @HuffPostUKCom) http://t.co/sUXVNzvG74
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Aug 2014 11:46
David Schneider twitter profile image
It's going to be hard for Man Utd to attract players of the calibre of Vidal and de Jong now they're out of the Capital One Cup.
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Aug 2014 08:25
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @cluedont: Jurassic Park is on, and I can't not think of this. One of the funniest YouTube comments ever. pic.twitter.com/eF9EkDgNev
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 27 Aug 2014 08:01
  • RT @cluedont: Jurassic Park is on, and I can't not think of this. One of the funniest YouTube comments ever. http://t.co/eF9EkDgNev
David Schneider twitter profile image
Louis van Gaal has just asked for Kate Bush rules: no photography, no filming #MKDonsVManUtd
Updated via TweetDeck at 26 Aug 2014 20:25
David Schneider twitter profile image
Alright, di Maria. You think you're special, coming from Real Madrid, 10-times European champions etc etc, but they're no MK Dons.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 26 Aug 2014 20:06
David Schneider twitter profile image
General consensus: Kanyespeak gives you an advantage in scenes of a sexual nature otherwise there's not much difference.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 26 Aug 2014 16:44
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @sixthformpoet: Wine only contains 1% of the Recommended Daily Intake of calcium, so remember to drink 100 glasses every day.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 26 Aug 2014 13:54
David Schneider twitter profile image
Wenger confirms he'd definitely be interested if a striker becomes available who's prone to injury and not quite world-class.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 26 Aug 2014 12:37
David Schneider twitter profile image
They're losing a lot of votes for the Talking Over Each Other Constantly Party #indyref
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Aug 2014 20:25
David Schneider twitter profile image
Darling: "I resent Salmond using scare stories. That's our job" #indyref
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Aug 2014 20:07
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @BSHistory77: Kraftwerk have let themselves go. #Indyref #Indydebate pic.twitter.com/xKa8gcti7h
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Aug 2014 20:05
  • RT @BSHistory77: Kraftwerk have let themselves go. #Indyref #Indydebate http://t.co/xKa8gcti7h
David Schneider twitter profile image
That Boris Johnson! He's so funny with his bumbling ways and funny comments and thinking people are guilty until proved Muslim on a plane.
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Aug 2014 12:56
David Schneider twitter profile image
Surely now's the time to bring back Challenge Anneka as the Anneka Rice Bucket Challenge.
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Aug 2014 08:29
David Schneider twitter profile image
Just saw @adamhess1's Edinburgh show and you must see it only it was his last one so you can't but you should definitely follow him instead
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 24 Aug 2014 17:30
David Schneider twitter profile image
Old graphics and Barry Davies are great but remember they were times when football was cursed by racism and homophobia and oh. Oh dear #MOTD
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Aug 2014 22:00
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @BarnabyEdwards: The Scottish independence debate is certainly taking its toll. pic.twitter.com/Gb9XbjEsOO
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Aug 2014 10:42
  • RT @BarnabyEdwards: The Scottish independence debate is certainly taking its toll. http://t.co/Gb9XbjEsOO
David Schneider twitter profile image
As part of the Balotelli deal, Rodgers has insisted on these being put up around Anfield #LFC (ta @SimonHume) pic.twitter.com/Ky81nNvjjj
Updated via TweetDeck at 22 Aug 2014 13:16
  • As part of the Balotelli deal, Rodgers has insisted on these being put up around Anfield #LFC
(ta @SimonHume) http://t.co/Ky81nNvjjj
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @MooseAllain: You can get help for buffet phobia, but first you’ve got to want to help yourself.
Updated via TweetDeck at 22 Aug 2014 09:33
David Schneider twitter profile image
.@TotallyManU - a Twitter tale for our times (with thanks to @loveandgarbage and @KQAnderson) https://t.co/swaAzvcS1i
Updated via TweetDeck at 22 Aug 2014 08:25
David Schneider twitter profile image
Ironically, if Scotland votes No, the Tories will force them to be independent anyway by taking away all their money.
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Aug 2014 18:46
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @UpturnedBathtub: 5 out of 1 people are Russian dolls
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 21 Aug 2014 15:48
David Schneider twitter profile image
WANTED. Leader in the Middle East with the balls to actually try and make peace #Gaza
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Aug 2014 13:01
David Schneider twitter profile image
I directed a thing by @joshwiddicombe and @TomCraine and the BBC have commissioned it. Yay! Here's the pilot http://t.co/KONyD4fmC8
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Aug 2014 09:47
David Schneider twitter profile image
Malky Mackay confirmed as new manager of BNP United.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 21 Aug 2014 08:39
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @guardian_SM: Buying a diamond ring for someone you fancy is also known as carbon dating.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 20 Aug 2014 11:34
David Schneider twitter profile image
At Gatwick where I can report that cases you push are slowly superseding cases you pull along. It's red and grey squirrels all over again.
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 20 Aug 2014 06:43
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @thefemaleboook: Best Ice Bucket Challenge yet😂https://t.co/TFIRPM7S6II
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Aug 2014 20:40
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @EmmaKennedy: Can't wait to read the Ecuadorian Embassy's review of Assange on Airb&b
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Aug 2014 18:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
Rail fare price rises: the official timetable pic.twitter.com/Dqp4hVgAdX
Updated via TweetDeck at 19 Aug 2014 16:56
  • Rail fare price rises: the official timetable http://t.co/Dqp4hVgAdX
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Pandamoanimum: So someone at Google isn't a fan of Greggs... (via many) pic.twitter.com/mZcJeumMN8
Updated via TweetDeck at 19 Aug 2014 13:44
  • RT @Pandamoanimum: So someone at Google isn't a fan of Greggs... 
(via many) http://t.co/mZcJeumMN8
David Schneider twitter profile image
Transfer news. Marcos Rojo says it's always been his dream to play for Manchester United three or four years ago.
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 19 Aug 2014 12:47
David Schneider twitter profile image
Rail fares up 25% since 2010. Proof that the best way to travel under the coalition is by gravy train. I thank you.
Updated via TweetDeck at 19 Aug 2014 09:15
David Schneider twitter profile image
A Voice Guaranteed 2 Be Remembered By Every 1 RIP James Alexander Gordon
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 18 Aug 2014 17:55
David Schneider twitter profile image
Am I right in thinking there's a cricketing fielding position called Third Leg? #Botham
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Aug 2014 12:12
David Schneider twitter profile image
Clearly Julian Assange's last desperate plan was to bore everyone comatose at the press conference so he can then simply walk free.
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Aug 2014 09:15
David Schneider twitter profile image
Ferguson police report confirms Michael Brown viciously attacked six bullets, two with his head.
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Aug 2014 07:36
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @ThePoke: #recap 8 internet pop-ups we all need. http://t.co/Bf8jEJS6ZC (by @TechnicallyRon)
Updated via TweetDeck at 17 Aug 2014 19:17
David Schneider twitter profile image
My prediction: Liverpool will win this by several goals after buying 5 more Southampton players at half-time #LIVSOU
Updated via TweetDeck at 17 Aug 2014 12:59
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron's right: ISIS are a threat to everything we hold dear in the West. Hell, they almost made him come back from holiday.
Updated via TweetDeck at 17 Aug 2014 10:35
David Schneider twitter profile image
Surely Obama should now send some planes to rescue the trapped and besieged people of Ferguson.
Updated via TweetDeck at 17 Aug 2014 08:06
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Pandamoanimum: The Wizard of Oz premiered 75 years ago today. So here's probably the best synopsis of it again. pic.twitter.com/IQEi7dtxqn
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 16 Aug 2014 18:45
  • RT @Pandamoanimum: The Wizard of Oz premiered 75 years ago today. 
So here's probably the best synopsis of it again. http://t.co/IQEi7dtxqn
David Schneider twitter profile image
Now the Premier League's clamping down on Vines we have to improvise. Here's that Ashley Young bird poo mom... https://t.co/vnzDXPUd7W
Updated via Vine - Make a Scene at 16 Aug 2014 15:58
David Schneider twitter profile image
Updated via TweetDeck at 16 Aug 2014 12:13
David Schneider twitter profile image
Great welcome for Louis van Gaal at Old Trafford #MUFC pic.twitter.com/OtE0IxxwEG
Updated via TweetDeck at 16 Aug 2014 11:48
  • Great welcome for Louis van Gaal at Old Trafford #MUFC http://t.co/OtE0IxxwEG
David Schneider twitter profile image
Hello, team. Back from my summer break, the highlight of which was probably this pic of the supermoon from my garden pic.twitter.com/GchphgPLMe
Updated via TweetDeck at 16 Aug 2014 11:30
  • Hello, team. Back from my summer break, the highlight of which was probably this pic of the supermoon from my garden http://t.co/GchphgPLMe
David Schneider twitter profile image
OK, that's me signing off for a summer break. Normal service will be resumed soon. I'll miss you, Twitter *waves* pic.twitter.com/ugCxSqGasQ
Updated via TweetDeck at 27 Jul 2014 15:37
  • OK, that's me signing off for a summer break. Normal service will be resumed soon. I'll miss you, Twitter *waves* http://t.co/ugCxSqGasQ
David Schneider twitter profile image
Find out your wifi name by taking the name of your broadband provider and adding the number they've allotted to your modem.
Updated via TweetDeck at 26 Jul 2014 15:54
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @bagyben: The big question of the commonwealth games pic.twitter.com/uLbWzZRxAd
Updated via TweetDeck at 26 Jul 2014 12:57
  • RT @bagyben: The big question of the commonwealth games http://t.co/uLbWzZRxAd
David Schneider twitter profile image
It looks like this season Southampton are going to move from playing a 4-2-3-1 formation to a more unorthodox 1-0-0-1.
Updated via TweetDeck at 26 Jul 2014 10:46
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @mwachtel: Definitive proof that you should have a 12 year-old proofread everything. pic.twitter.com/kObhAdOl4m
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Jul 2014 16:31
  • RT @mwachtel: Definitive proof that you should have a 12 year-old proofread everything. http://t.co/kObhAdOl4m
David Schneider twitter profile image
Forgive my leftie kneejerkery for inaccuracy on last pic. Should have said the Tories "brought in higher tuition fees". Dammit! *sobs*
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Jul 2014 16:11
David Schneider twitter profile image
How the Tories hope we'll behave on election day pic.twitter.com/Wg1Rsp3Hw3
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Jul 2014 15:00
  • How the Tories hope we'll behave on election day http://t.co/Wg1Rsp3Hw3
David Schneider twitter profile image
Here's a thing I wrote about Ed Miliband and uglyism before Baconbuttygate http://t.co/3Xrz8uqY7l
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Jul 2014 14:09
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Ross_Owen: Looks like soft drink manufacturers have been forced to take obesity seriously pic.twitter.com/XY6JMjywWT
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 25 Jul 2014 13:45
  • RT @Ross_Owen: Looks like soft drink manufacturers have been forced to take obesity seriously http://t.co/XY6JMjywWT
David Schneider twitter profile image
"Look into my eyes, not around my eyes, the recession is over, look at the growth stats, not at your wages, the recession is over" - Osborne
Updated via TweetDeck at 25 Jul 2014 07:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
Triathlon latest. The Brownlee brothers way ahead. Alistair's favourite but Jonny might just nick it once the union votes are counted.
Updated via TweetDeck at 24 Jul 2014 15:23
David Schneider twitter profile image
At last, an honest Wonga ad (done for @HuffPostUKCom) http://t.co/aajrq60Teg
Updated via TweetDeck at 24 Jul 2014 12:58
David Schneider twitter profile image
Religious nutters. Want to persuade me we're living through the End Times? With everything happening in the world, this is your best chance.
Updated via TweetDeck at 24 Jul 2014 11:27
David Schneider twitter profile image
Heading to Scotland and #Glasgow2014? Here are answers to some FAQs (done for @HuffPostUKCom) http://t.co/1idlYj9D4G http://t.co/RnVGhXnRM5
Updated via TweetDeck at 24 Jul 2014 08:45
David Schneider twitter profile image
Well done, Glasgow and Scotland! Cameron's confirmed you can have your independence and the pound as long as we can have those dogs.
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 22:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
Anyone checked where Trevor Nelson is? #bbcglasgow2014
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 19:51
David Schneider twitter profile image
Off to live-tweet #Glasgow2014 opening ceremony with funnyman @davidlevin123 on @VMLoves. Join us. *packs bag, sets off across Twitter*
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 17:35
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @hackneymarshman: Sign warns cyclists about itself pic.twitter.com/Uf9s7eXzdn
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 23 Jul 2014 16:02
  • RT @hackneymarshman: Sign warns cyclists about itself http://t.co/Uf9s7eXzdn
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron: "We will act swiftly and decisively to halt all exports of arms to Russia. From France."
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 15:14
David Schneider twitter profile image
Russia, Qatar. FIFA won't rest till they can award the 2026 World Cup to Mordor.
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 12:18
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @jtlovell1979: The Poundland catalogue helpfully prices everything individually. pic.twitter.com/a0S1rs8eXQ
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 23 Jul 2014 11:20
  • RT @jtlovell1979: The Poundland catalogue helpfully prices everything individually. http://t.co/a0S1rs8eXQ
David Schneider twitter profile image
David Ward's just the latest to go on the Escalating Violence Merry-Go-Round. The only hope is for everyone to get off the ride #Gaza
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 10:42
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @lukelewis: The Queen tests positive for morphine, according to BBC news ticker pic.twitter.com/REv9cwnZhn
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 08:04
  • RT @lukelewis: The Queen tests positive for morphine, according to BBC news ticker http://t.co/REv9cwnZhn
David Schneider twitter profile image
Cameron predicts disaster and bankruptcy by Day 2 for Team Scotland and no, they can't still use the pound #BetterTogether #Glasgow2014
Updated via TweetDeck at 23 Jul 2014 07:38
David Schneider twitter profile image
In the Wild West it was totally acceptable to be a cowboy builder. I thank you.
Updated via TweetDeck at 22 Jul 2014 16:43
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @Helena_LB: Do you ever wonder if you chose the right line at the store? http://t.co/XVnDdh6z0A
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 22 Jul 2014 10:21
David Schneider twitter profile image
I'm loving the birthday pics of Kate and Will and their lovely little boy George (ta @davidlberesford) pic.twitter.com/vnZ8RiIRE6
Updated via TweetDeck at 22 Jul 2014 08:19
  • I'm loving the birthday pics of Kate and Will and their lovely little boy George
(ta @davidlberesford) http://t.co/vnZ8RiIRE6
David Schneider twitter profile image
It's Prince George's birthday tomorrow and William and Kate are still up trying to wrap 3 new servants and most of Cornwall.
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 22:35
David Schneider twitter profile image
Coming soon: the film of Miliband's Obama visit (done for @HuffPostUKCom) http://t.co/IUPqf35htM pic.twitter.com/OF6PyoAxUh
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 22:14
  • Coming soon: the film of Miliband's Obama visit
(done for @HuffPostUKCom)
http://t.co/IUPqf35htM 
http://t.co/OF6PyoAxUh
David Schneider twitter profile image
Off to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, tho given the mess we humans are making of the world right now I say we hand it over right away.
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 17:11
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @JohnDonoghue64: Err... I think Miss might prefer a bottle of wine or maybe a box of Maltesers... #justsaying pic.twitter.com/Lvyg3ATsJY
Updated via Twitter Web Client at 21 Jul 2014 16:16
  • RT @JohnDonoghue64: Err... I think Miss might prefer a bottle of wine or maybe a box of Maltesers... #justsaying http://t.co/Lvyg3ATsJY
David Schneider twitter profile image
Gerrard announces his retirement from international football with effect from just before the World Cup.
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 14:07
David Schneider twitter profile image
To celebrate 20 years since Tony Blair became Labour leader, here's his handy guide to military intervention pic.twitter.com/UYhSmAPqQi
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 13:59
  • To celebrate 20 years since Tony Blair became Labour leader, here's his handy guide to military intervention http://t.co/UYhSmAPqQi
David Schneider twitter profile image
Here, just for you, is a comedy pilot with @joshwiddicombe and @TheRealJackDee that I directed. Hope you like http://t.co/KONyD4fmC8
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 10:30
David Schneider twitter profile image
"Vladimir, the Middle East is beating us in our game of Atrocity Poker" "Withhold the bodies of the victims from the families?" "Brilliant!"
Updated via TweetDeck at 21 Jul 2014 08:52
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @BenRazaCMK: @davidschneider it's all kicking off in Northampton pic.twitter.com/xm91jXkXXv
Updated via TweetDeck at 20 Jul 2014 18:28
  • RT @BenRazaCMK: @davidschneider it's all kicking off in Northampton http://t.co/xm91jXkXXv
David Schneider twitter profile image
I feel for Prince William and Kate getting ready for Prince George's birthday. 500 square miles of Cornwall is so difficult to wrap.
Updated via TweetDeck at 20 Jul 2014 10:41
David Schneider twitter profile image
Re women bishops. It's great to see the Church being finally dragged into the 20th Century #bbcsml
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 20 Jul 2014 09:25
David Schneider twitter profile image
I like to think that every time lightning strikes, another Frankenstein's monster is born.
Updated via Twitter for iPhone at 19 Jul 2014 07:52
David Schneider twitter profile image
Updated via Twitter for iPad at 19 Jul 2014 07:20
  • RT @_youhadonejob: When you see it. http://t.co/IBjq1TLF20
David Schneider twitter profile image
Dammit. It's so hot I can't even count RT @RickElliott2: No mathematician either?
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Jul 2014 17:01
David Schneider twitter profile image
I'm no biologist but I think the Piccadilly line has fused me and my fellow passengers into a single 140-headed-280-limbed beast.
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Jul 2014 16:58
David Schneider twitter profile image
RT @tdawks: Asking for trouble. pic.twitter.com/2Ch14tMvHT
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Jul 2014 16:11
  • RT @tdawks: Asking for trouble. http://t.co/2Ch14tMvHT
David Schneider twitter profile image
#FF Choose a category Satire @Unnamedinsider Politics @PrimlyStable Football @BeardedGenius Pubs @The_Dolphin_Pub Lucky dip @Pandamoanimum
Updated via TweetDeck at 18 Jul 2014 15:32

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